Last week, a number of us from the XCHC team attended a Culture Course called “Sacred Stance”. A group of 22 in total learned about Maori history, the hongi, a haka, and a few other things.
Before we share what we learned, you should know something.
Being an ART space comes with a lot of EVERYTHING.
As beautiful as the results might become, the creative process itself can be hard, emotional, frustrating, and even lonely, Most of us here at XCHC are finding our way, trying something new, practicing, or testing some crazy/creative idea and hoping we don’t burnout or piss others off in the process.
Amidst the madness of having a full-time cafe, 15 artists in the studios, a not-for-profit bar, artists living upstairs, and events most nights, we tend to bump into each other in both amazing and less than pleasant ways.
Personally, I’ll admit to being so caught up in what I’m working on, I haven’t paid attention to every interaction. This is something I want to change. Saying “I don’t have time” is not an excuse anymore when it comes to your community. Every interaction, your behavior affects/reflects your Mana (or what you choose to do with it).
2. (noun) prestige, authority, control, power, influence, status, spiritual power, charisma - mana is a supernatural force in a person, place or object. Mana goes hand in hand with tapu, one affecting the other.
I’m still learning, but Mana isn’t only this power/authority that someone has, but how they use it and how they’re seen by others.
This is the mana I’m referring to.
So, what happened at the workshop?
After learning how to embody our inner warrior through haka, we were taught how use haka to build confidence, communicate, empower ourselves & others, stand tall, and work together.
Then the real work began.
The men, still shirtless and covered in red marks from the haka, were invited to stand around the women who were seated circled on the floor. Following Matius lead, we pledged in harmony to better respect, honor, be grateful to, and have love for ALL women (even the ones we pass on the street). These were only words, but Matiu somehow helped us to connect our mouths to our hearts.
Some of the women became emotional; as if they have never heard or felt that from a man before. The men spoke in one voice and agreed to work on ourselves as men, to call other men out on behavior that is unloving, and hold other men accountable for their actions.
You could feel the lack of trust at first.. it had clearly accumulated throughout our lives. Maybe without even noticing. We realized how every person in the room suddenly felt accountable. Especially the men. How we, in some way and at some point in our lives had been a part of the problem, or not as much of the solution as we might have thought.
This is the solution. At least a positive start. Getting out of our comfort zones WITH each other, learning to talk about it, listening, feeling, and accepting some new responsibilities. I began to see why I’ve always felt a little apprehensive about “mens circles”. I always found them helpful and relieving to share and be vulnerable, but, at 28ys old I still hadn’t learned how to do that with women. (you can read that again).
Next, the women stood around the men and shared what they felt about the men. I was expecting to hear criticisms.. maybe even anger that I knew these women must of felt; this was the chance to get it out. The men weren’t allowed to speak back. Sitting on the floor, I waited for it...
“Why do you do this?”,
“Don’t you know how badly we’re hurt?”
“Why don’t you let women in?”.
But that’s not what happened.
”Thank you for showing up today.”
”Thank you for making us feel safe.”
”Thank you for being vulnerable”.
1.5hrs to go.
Throughout the activities, we resisted being lead, were afraid of being touched, faced physical discomfort, and realized we had forgotten how to receive love/affection from the opposite sex. All of these things went both ways, and by the end of it, we all felt humbled by the journey, the growth we made as a group, the trust we built in 3 hours, and the friends we will probably be for the rest of our lives.
So, what does this mean to us?
A number of the crew who work/volunteer at XCHC attended this workshop. As a mix of travelers, creatives, singles & partners, we already live life a little differently, but realized how important it is that we raise standard as a public place to make sure everyone feels safe, welcomed, seen, heard, and accountable to their place in the room. XCHC is a place for creative ideas, but with that comes a necessary culture of safety and support.
We’re working on a culture document that will promote how all can help in nurturing a consent culture and helping each other grow personally or professionally.
But words are just words. We hope they help, but we really hope that you show up, see it in action, and take action yourself.
You won’t be doing it alone.
- Preston
(p.s. next time you see me, ask me for a hongi)